Seeing Ghosts: A Memoir
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- Create Date：2021-08-22 22:21:07
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Kat Chow
- ISBN：1538716321
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Summary
For readers of Helen Macdonald and Elizabeth Alexander， an intimate and haunting portrait of grief and the search for meaning from a singular new talent as told through the prism of three generations of her Chinese American family。
Born two years after her parents' only son died just hours after his birth， Kat Chow became unusually fixated with death。 She worried constantly about her parents dying -- especially her mother。 One morning， when Kat was nine， her mother， a vivacious and mischievous woman， casually made a morbid joke: When she eventually dies， she said laughing， she'd like to be stuffed and displayed in Kat's future apartment in order to always watch over her。
Four years later when her mother dies unexpectedly from cancer， Kat， her two older sisters， and their father are plunged into a debilitating， lonely grief。 With a distinct voice that is wry and heartfelt， Kat weaves together what is part ghost story and part excavation of her family's history of loss spanning three generations and their immigration from China and Hong Kong to America and Cuba。 This redemptive coming-of-age story uncovers the uncanny parallels in Kat's lineage， including the strength of sisterhood and the complicated duty of looking after parents， even after death。
Seeing Ghosts asks what it means to claim and tell your family's story: Is writing an exorcism or is it its own form of preservation？ What do we owe to our families in our grief， and how does it shape us？ In order to answer these questions and to understand her family's ghosts， Kat unearths their sorrow and challenges the power structures of race， class， and gender。 The result is an extraordinary new contribution to the literature of grief and the American family， and a provocative and transformative meditation on who we become under the specter of loss。
Born two years after her parents' only son died just hours after his birth， Kat Chow became unusually fixated with death。 She worried constantly about her parents dying -- especially her mother。 One morning， when Kat was nine， her mother， a vivacious and mischievous woman， casually made a morbid joke: When she eventually dies， she said laughing， she'd like to be stuffed and displayed in Kat's future apartment in order to always watch over her。
Four years later when her mother dies unexpectedly from cancer， Kat， her two older sisters， and their father are plunged into a debilitating， lonely grief。 With a distinct voice that is wry and heartfelt， Kat weaves together what is part ghost story and part excavation of her family's history of loss spanning three generations and their immigration from China and Hong Kong to America and Cuba。 This redemptive coming-of-age story uncovers the uncanny parallels in Kat's lineage， including the strength of sisterhood and the complicated duty of looking after parents， even after death。
Seeing Ghosts asks what it means to claim and tell your family's story: Is writing an exorcism or is it its own form of preservation？ What do we owe to our families in our grief， and how does it shape us？ In order to answer these questions and to understand her family's ghosts， Kat unearths their sorrow and challenges the power structures of race， class， and gender。 The result is an extraordinary new contribution to the literature of grief and the American family， and a provocative and transformative meditation on who we become under the specter of loss。
Reviews
Reads By Rachael
，
Seeing Ghosts is a hauntingly beautiful memorial to loved ones lost and the impact they leave。 So many stories resonated with me; losing a loved one to Cancer， becoming obsessed with what they have left behind and their memories， the rippled effect of sorrow and grief in the living… this is a must read。 Thank you to Grand Central Pub for an Advanced Readers Copy of this memoir， it releases on August 24th and I recommend you pre-order this special story now！
smalltownbookmom
，
Part grief memoir， part family history， this was a really good account from a Chinese American daughter coming to terms with her mother's death and her relationship with her father afterwards。 I really enjoyed the family history parts of the story， learning about her father's family and their experience leaving China and making their way to America。 Lots of relatable moments for anyone who has lost a parent at a young age， going through therapy and then later having to deal with caring for an ag Part grief memoir， part family history， this was a really good account from a Chinese American daughter coming to terms with her mother's death and her relationship with her father afterwards。 I really enjoyed the family history parts of the story， learning about her father's family and their experience leaving China and making their way to America。 Lots of relatable moments for anyone who has lost a parent at a young age， going through therapy and then later having to deal with caring for an aging parent。 I did find parts of this dragged a bit but overall I really enjoyed it and if you're curious about the cover， Kat's parent's were into fish taxidermy - definitely a hobby I was not familiar with！ Recommended for fans of Crying in H Mart。 Much thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my ALC。 This was an enjoyable listen on audio read by the author。 Favorite quote:"What is grief if not the act of survival？" 。。。more
Chantal Tseng
，
Haiku。。。Flawed relationshipsIn our family storiesWith many layers。。As an immigrantOne loses much to the pastSilent witnesses。。Fleeing one's homelandFinding one's footing anewDegrees to nowhere。。In sickness and healthDeath is alive and thrivingPainting memories4。5 Haiku。。。Flawed relationshipsIn our family storiesWith many layers。。As an immigrantOne loses much to the pastSilent witnesses。。Fleeing one's homelandFinding one's footing anewDegrees to nowhere。。In sickness and healthDeath is alive and thrivingPainting memories4。5 。。。more
Queen Ophilia III
，
☆ i got a audiobook arc from Netgalley for an honest review ☆ This is a really well written book。 I was worried about the "story" or memories not being in order。 Usually this makes a book messy。 But i think Kat did a wonderful job on making it sound/look very smooth and i felt like i wasnt lost at any point。 And when you think about it: memories comes in moments that reminds you of something and not in order all at once。 The audiobook itself is read by Kat which i think gave a very personal touc ☆ i got a audiobook arc from Netgalley for an honest review ☆ This is a really well written book。 I was worried about the "story" or memories not being in order。 Usually this makes a book messy。 But i think Kat did a wonderful job on making it sound/look very smooth and i felt like i wasnt lost at any point。 And when you think about it: memories comes in moments that reminds you of something and not in order all at once。 The audiobook itself is read by Kat which i think gave a very personal touch。 Her reading had alot of emotion but wasnt over the top either。 It was a perfect voice that i could listen longer moments on。 I learned alot about asian culture。 I myself cant personally relate to being an immigrant or feeling like parts of my culture isnt here。 I can also say i never lost a family member nor a friend， i been very lucky。 So i cant relate to going through this kind of grief。 But i can understand how things like this form us as a person。 How its something that affects us， especially if we are very young。 Losing people we love isnt easy。 I feel like we got to hear/read some intimate moments in Kats life with her family before， during and after her mothers death。 But also see through her lens how not only she but her whole family struggled in their own way with grief。 A very interesting read。 。。。more
Kari
，
My Review OfSEEING GHOSTS: A MemoirBy Author， Kat ChowGifted & Published by @GrandCentralPublushingOn Sale: 8/24/21 - Purchase Link in Bio ******This memoir was a very touching recall of the profound effect a mother’s death has on her daughter。 It reminded me so much of losing my mom in 2014 and made me laugh as the Author recounted the silly albeit sometimes unusual things her mother did to make her 3 daughters laugh。 So much the same of what my mom used to do。 Others may have been embarrassed My Review OfSEEING GHOSTS: A MemoirBy Author， Kat ChowGifted & Published by @GrandCentralPublushingOn Sale: 8/24/21 - Purchase Link in Bio ******This memoir was a very touching recall of the profound effect a mother’s death has on her daughter。 It reminded me so much of losing my mom in 2014 and made me laugh as the Author recounted the silly albeit sometimes unusual things her mother did to make her 3 daughters laugh。 So much the same of what my mom used to do。 Others may have been embarrassed by their mother’s actions but it was like an orchestrated dance between mother and daughter that no matter the embarrassment; it was the emotions and love that will forever be remembered。 Her mother’s “face” baring her teeth that was often repeated along after her mother’s passing was very comical。 Her mother’s unusual request to be stuffed after her death and to be put on display like a taxidermy on the wall was just normal in this Author’s world。 The closeness and stories of the bonds built with her mother before she was taken to soon due to improper health because of the costs of health insurance。 This causes her to have so much pain and yearning to have her mother back， that was taken to soon but still lives on in the beautiful memories and with the help of her two older sisters and a father whom she must learn to know。 This was written with brilliant recall and wonderfully detailed observations of moments in time。 I related so well with the stories and found solace in my own world knowing I wasn’t alone and finding a book that was sympathetic as well as filled with laughter。 。。。more
Shelby
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RIYL Crying in H Mart。 RIYL Crying in H Mart。 。。。more
Danielle M
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Chow examines the depths of grief in her memoir after her mom passes away from cancer。 There is the immediate aftermath of shock， especially as a teenager， growing up with a dad who is very stuck in his ways， who has not shouldered the brunt of parenting before， where instinctive survival mode kicks in， telling you to get through the immediate needs of school， get out of the house， and then somehow land on your feet。As a teenager at the time of her mom's death， there is an added layer of not kno Chow examines the depths of grief in her memoir after her mom passes away from cancer。 There is the immediate aftermath of shock， especially as a teenager， growing up with a dad who is very stuck in his ways， who has not shouldered the brunt of parenting before， where instinctive survival mode kicks in， telling you to get through the immediate needs of school， get out of the house， and then somehow land on your feet。As a teenager at the time of her mom's death， there is an added layer of not knowing the full depths of what had occurred， that she only uncovers as an adult。 Now， years later Chow is still dealing with the grief of her mom passing， remembering things her mom used to do， imagining her mom at every step， affixed like a permanent fixture wherever Chow goes。 It is in the void， where you sometimes throw memories so that you can survive the moment， where you subconsciously throw some feelings， thoughts and memories， that you return to years down the line， when you're ready or more ready to sort them out， however best you can。 But you can't sort things out that have finitely ended， where possibilities have already condensed down to one path。 There are many things that are unknowable， like where to decidedly lay blame， when was the point that had they known about the cancer， they could have tried to attack it， or going back even further， what could have happened had lives been completely altered？ How far back can you go to rework what went wrong？ You can go through an infinite loop of what-if scenarios， slightly altered， that change nothing on this timeline。 4。5 。。。more
Tiffani
，
A big thank you to Grand Central Publishing/Hatchette Book Group for an ARC！ This book was personal， interesting， and so thoughtfully written。 Kat Chow's writing style is beautiful and having a front seat at the table for her thoughts， longings， wonderings， grief， and memories of her mother as she processed her mother's death throughout the years felt special to be a part of。 Her relationship with her father and sisters， her father's search for answers from his own past， and the interplay betwe A big thank you to Grand Central Publishing/Hatchette Book Group for an ARC！ This book was personal， interesting， and so thoughtfully written。 Kat Chow's writing style is beautiful and having a front seat at the table for her thoughts， longings， wonderings， grief， and memories of her mother as she processed her mother's death throughout the years felt special to be a part of。 Her relationship with her father and sisters， her father's search for answers from his own past， and the interplay between the brother she never knew and his impact on the family dynamic， all provide insight as to how the four of them left behind navigated the loss of the heart of their family。 。。。more
INKNOTBLOOD
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This contemplative memoir explores the author's grief over losing her mother during adolescence。 We get many snapshots exploring how this loss has shaped Chow's life on various levels ever since， and how both the absence of her mother and the constant thoughts of her affect the way she sees her world and her life。 This book also examines the other familial relationships in her life， especially her relationship with her father， even delving into the resentment one can feel toward the surviving pa This contemplative memoir explores the author's grief over losing her mother during adolescence。 We get many snapshots exploring how this loss has shaped Chow's life on various levels ever since， and how both the absence of her mother and the constant thoughts of her affect the way she sees her world and her life。 This book also examines the other familial relationships in her life， especially her relationship with her father， even delving into the resentment one can feel toward the surviving parent。 Seeing Ghosts also puts a spotlight on what it's like to be Chinese American， navigating that in-between and finding what parts of the culture of one's family still resonate。 This was a great read that I would recommend to anyone interested in memoirs that highlight death/grief and family。 。。。more
Marianne
，
I had trouble putting this book down。 Such clear and relatable writing， telling such complex stories of love， grief， frustration， and a bunch of other deeply human feelings stuff。 Excellent use of embedded photos， too， I wish more memoirs' use of photography was as good。（nb: I read an advance reading copy which I received from the publisher。）cn: I don't want to label things the author didn't label in the book， but this pushed my own past-history buttons some on topics like verbal abuse， hitting I had trouble putting this book down。 Such clear and relatable writing， telling such complex stories of love， grief， frustration， and a bunch of other deeply human feelings stuff。 Excellent use of embedded photos， too， I wish more memoirs' use of photography was as good。（nb: I read an advance reading copy which I received from the publisher。）cn: I don't want to label things the author didn't label in the book， but this pushed my own past-history buttons some on topics like verbal abuse， hitting children， hoarding， financial irresponsibility， and the painfulness of being an immigrant。 。。。more
Ava
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ARCdidnt know that i would see so many parallels between kat’s family situation and my dad’s but it was interesting to read a different outcome of similar lif circumstances。
Samantha
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[review of an ARC]I don't read a lot on grief。 Not intentionally， it just doesn't come across my radar often。 Coupled with the word "Ghosts" in the title （and the fact that I'm currently balls-deep in the 274 seasons of Supernatural）， I didn't pick this up right away because it gave me "help， I'm seeing the ghost of my dead mother everywhere I go and it's sending me into an endless spiral of hard partying， drinking， and a general lack of self care" vibes。 Admittedly， I gave it a try when I saw t [review of an ARC]I don't read a lot on grief。 Not intentionally， it just doesn't come across my radar often。 Coupled with the word "Ghosts" in the title （and the fact that I'm currently balls-deep in the 274 seasons of Supernatural）， I didn't pick this up right away because it gave me "help， I'm seeing the ghost of my dead mother everywhere I go and it's sending me into an endless spiral of hard partying， drinking， and a general lack of self care" vibes。 Admittedly， I gave it a try when I saw the blurbs from Ocean Vuong and Alexander Chee （I've discovered I will read literally anything blurbed by Chee）， and was pleasantly surprised （also， that cover！）。The title is really only part of this story。 Grief is a weird thing that spans lifetimes and generations and changes but then doesn't really change at all。 We change around it。 Kat Chow's particular grief （over her mother dying when Chow was a child） molds itself around her relationships to her father， sisters， her parents' immigrant experience， and her own existence as a daughter of immigrants。 What do we really know about our parents as children vs what we learn when we're older？ And how is that complicated when a parent dies before you grow up？ How is that further complicated through the immigration lens？I didn't intentionally read this after Speak， Okinawa， but it feels in conversation with that at times， around the mother-daughter relationship and the child-of-immigrant experience。 Chow has written a very full story， not just about grief， but how it works its way through lifetimes and how we evolve around it at different stages of our lives。 。。。more
Ruth
，
There's this meme about grief that's floating around the internet。 It's a picture of two scenarios: First， a large black sphere in a glass jar diminishing over time to the size of a marble。 Then， below it， the large black sphere stays the exact same size as the jar enlarges around it。It's captioned: "People tend to believe that grief shrinks over time。 What really happens is that we grow around our grief。" I've read many memoirs， some of them about grief。 They often center around trauma as an im There's this meme about grief that's floating around the internet。 It's a picture of two scenarios: First， a large black sphere in a glass jar diminishing over time to the size of a marble。 Then， below it， the large black sphere stays the exact same size as the jar enlarges around it。It's captioned: "People tend to believe that grief shrinks over time。 What really happens is that we grow around our grief。" I've read many memoirs， some of them about grief。 They often center around trauma as an immediate event。 The shocking and debilitating repercussions。 Kat Chow's memoir is one that spans a lifetime， several if you count the lives of her family members， which I do。 "Seeing Ghosts" is an emotionally generous， intricately researched look at what grief looks like as you grow around it。 As you continue to live your life with the presence of those you've lost。As I read "Seeing Ghosts，" it struck me how few experiences I've had with Cantonese American literature。 When was the last time I read "Lei sik dzo fan mei a？" or "Wah， gum guay！" in a book？ When was the last time I read an "immigrant narrative" that didn't deify older parents but instead tried to really thoroughly investigate them for who they are – and who they might be hiding from their children？ Using humor and horror， Kat Chow does not glamorize this experience， nor does she wallow in it as a guilt trip。 Is writing an exorcism or is it its own form of preservation？ To me， "Seeing Ghosts" is a pouring of libations。 For those who have experienced loss， this cup never empties。 。。。more
Elise
，
A wrenching， gorgeously written exploration of familial love， grief and the immigrant experience gap。 I didn't know what to expect going into Kat's memoir and came away from it （after bawling on the airplane through two chapters） brimming with expanded perspective and love， which is a gift。 A wrenching， gorgeously written exploration of familial love， grief and the immigrant experience gap。 I didn't know what to expect going into Kat's memoir and came away from it （after bawling on the airplane through two chapters） brimming with expanded perspective and love， which is a gift。 。。。more
Jeenie
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A really stark look into how the loss of a parent spans across your entire life。 Kat Chow does a phenomenal job of showing all of the ways her mother’s ghost impacts her daily life and the way she processes life， joy， and family。
Allen Wagner
，
In Seeing Ghosts， Kat writes masterfully about the loss of her mother to cancer， how she and her family processes her mother’s death， and what it means to understand and unearth her family history—reconciling her memories with what she learns from her father， sisters， aunts， and others later on。This is an intimate story of grief， family relationships， and immigrant struggle。 But Seeing Ghosts is not without lighthearted moments， as well; as Kat is as skillful describing the somber as she is reca In Seeing Ghosts， Kat writes masterfully about the loss of her mother to cancer， how she and her family processes her mother’s death， and what it means to understand and unearth her family history—reconciling her memories with what she learns from her father， sisters， aunts， and others later on。This is an intimate story of grief， family relationships， and immigrant struggle。 But Seeing Ghosts is not without lighthearted moments， as well; as Kat is as skillful describing the somber as she is recalling some of the more playful of her family memories。Seeing Ghosts will appeal to all readers， but for those who have experienced loss or struggled to feel belonging in society， Kat’s words will resonate deeply。Me personally， I have not experienced the type of loss and grief that Kat has。 But it’s a testament to her writing of such a personal and moving story， that Kat has inspired me to better understand my own family’s history—before those who can tell it best pass。 。。。more
Caroline
，
Seeing Ghosts makes you laugh and cry， sometimes at the same time。 Kat Chow’s journey to understand her family’s history and grief at all layers was gripping。 From the opening passage of the book， readers are transported through memories across generations。 I am impressed and grateful for Kat’s skill to capture these stories and share them with us - I learned so much and felt so many emotions。 This book makes me believe that we should all be digging deeper to explore our own family histories， be Seeing Ghosts makes you laugh and cry， sometimes at the same time。 Kat Chow’s journey to understand her family’s history and grief at all layers was gripping。 From the opening passage of the book， readers are transported through memories across generations。 I am impressed and grateful for Kat’s skill to capture these stories and share them with us - I learned so much and felt so many emotions。 This book makes me believe that we should all be digging deeper to explore our own family histories， before it’s too late and the answers to our questions are lost forever。 。。。more
Steve Haruch
，
"This is a book about death" might not seem like the most appealing tag line at first， but in Kat Chow's capable hands， Seeing Ghosts becomes much more than that。 It follows the aftermath of her mother's death from cancer， ascending the steep slope of this loss again and again in search of solace and， if not solace， then some semblance of understanding。 A book about death is of course a book about life， and how we try to go on — how an absence becomes a presence， with uncertain and sometimes jag "This is a book about death" might not seem like the most appealing tag line at first， but in Kat Chow's capable hands， Seeing Ghosts becomes much more than that。 It follows the aftermath of her mother's death from cancer， ascending the steep slope of this loss again and again in search of solace and， if not solace， then some semblance of understanding。 A book about death is of course a book about life， and how we try to go on — how an absence becomes a presence， with uncertain and sometimes jagged contours， and how grief continues to transform us in ways we never imagined。 I'm grateful for how this book resists easy narratives of redemption， and how it patiently catalogs the stubbornness and beauty of flawed human relationships。 And I'm in awe of how it collects so many intimate moments into a rich， ambivalent， almost incantatory whole。 。。。more
Tanvi
，
This book made me cry。 Kat adeptly maneuvers the personal and the political， the private and the public， the grief and the joy。 The memoir tells the story of not just one deep and obvious loss， but of layered set of quotidian losses associated with migration， assimilation， and identification。 It is the quintessential story of the American family， and how they survive and reclaim their stories — collective and individual。
Mariya
，
I loved this book from beginning to end and I'm so grateful to Kat for writing this and for asking the questions central in this book。 What do we owe our parents？ What do we owe our dead？ And how do we craft ourselves in spaces that emerge after loss？ This is an important， instrumental book: Kat masterfully writes not just of her own loss and grief， but that of her parents。 She looks at her family， their histories， and her own memory with clarity and empathy。 Though ostensibly a book that's abou I loved this book from beginning to end and I'm so grateful to Kat for writing this and for asking the questions central in this book。 What do we owe our parents？ What do we owe our dead？ And how do we craft ourselves in spaces that emerge after loss？ This is an important， instrumental book: Kat masterfully writes not just of her own loss and grief， but that of her parents。 She looks at her family， their histories， and her own memory with clarity and empathy。 Though ostensibly a book that's about who Kat became after losing her mother， the book is equally sharp on her relationship with her father， and it is here that Kat is most unflinching and brave。 In less skilled hands， the narrative might suffer for the hints of magical realism that are embedded throughout， but by taking the chance— by trusting us， her readers— Kat manages to instead portray the continuous nature of grief and of the selves we might have been in one of the most effective ways I've ever read in a book。 It's poetic， beautifully wrought， and filled with a love that translates off the page。 I can't wait to see what she does next！ 。。。more
Allison Palmer
，
I requested this ARC because I've always loved Kat Chow's work for NPR。Chow took a risk by organizing her story in a non-chronological order but it pays big dividends。 We shuttle from her childhood to before her birth to her adulthood to her teen years。 In less-skilled hands， I might find this confusing or off-putting - but I ended up loving how her thoughts flowed the way memories often do。 The effect is wistful， poetic， and evocative。 While Chow isn't afraid to share moments that cast herself I requested this ARC because I've always loved Kat Chow's work for NPR。Chow took a risk by organizing her story in a non-chronological order but it pays big dividends。 We shuttle from her childhood to before her birth to her adulthood to her teen years。 In less-skilled hands， I might find this confusing or off-putting - but I ended up loving how her thoughts flowed the way memories often do。 The effect is wistful， poetic， and evocative。 While Chow isn't afraid to share moments that cast herself and others in a less-than-flattering light， she does not assign judgment or blame。 Her approach is open-hearted and accepting of human frailty。 This is one of the many aspects of "Seeing Ghosts" that elevates it in contrast to many other memoirs I've read。Satisfying from start to finish and a pleasure to read。 。。。more
Kat Chow
，
All the stars！ The highest rating！ A very good book， from a very， very biased reader。
Megan Tristao
，
01。14。2021: Memoir of a former member of the NPR Code Switch team！
Reference
google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Seeing Ghosts: A Memoir
hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Seeing Ghosts: A Memoir&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft